What Does SURRENDER Mean In Addiction Recovery?

 

Anyone familiar with AA's 12 Steps has heard the word Surrender used more than once. But how many of us truly understand what it means, and why are so many of us reluctant to surrender to a power greater than our own?  

Truth is, no one likes the idea of surrendering to anyone or anything. We’ve been taught to view surrender as a sign of weakness. Society teaches us that only a coward surrenders to the enemy, while the strong and brave defeat their enemies – or, so we have been led to believe. But is that an accurate perception? Actor John Wayne never surrendered to one bad guy in the movies, but that only happens in our fantasies, of course. In real life, he lost his battle with cigarette addiction and died of lung cancer. His own willpower was not powerful enough to quit smoking on his own – more accurately, it was not powerful enough to overcome the issues that drove his addiction to cigarettes.

Sometimes, however, the only choices we have are to surrender or die. When the enemy holds a gun to your head, as sometimes happens during war, any soldier would be foolish to challenge the aggressor without a weapon of his own. It is a do or die situation, and the soldier surrenders in order to survive. In the process, many prisoners of war discover new strengths they never knew existed and become stronger than ever. He surrenders in order to fight his enemy another day. 

Surrendering our problems to a Higher Power is similar to surrendering to the enemy, but in reverse. The difference is that, unlike an enemy army, our Higher Power wants only the best for us. Hand over your troubles to a power greater than your own and your Higher Power will replace them with a new strength we never thought possible.

We all surrender to many things every day, although we don’t give it much thought. How many of us would be foolish enough to cross the street without waiting for an oncoming bus to pass by first? Would we refuse to surrender to gravity by leaping out of an airplane without a parachute or decide to step outside for a stroll during a tornado? Of course we wouldn’t do those things. We surrender to gravity, the weather, the air we breathe and passing traffic in order to live and survive. We surrender to them because we have no power to control them and because they are a power greater than our own.

Yet, many of us refuse to surrender to a Higher Power, even when we’re told that a power greater than our own consists of nothing but pure, unconditional love and only wants to help us.

Why do some people refuse to surrender? There is one word that best sums it up – fear. People are afraid to connect with a Higher Power for two main reasons. Fear of losing control and fear that they will be punished or judged by the powers that be, rather than loved and forgiven. These fears are based on past experiences, of course, and were instilled in us by abusive people that have hurt us in the past. We’ve been taught to shut up and keep our problems to ourselves, unless we want more of the same. We’re told that surrender is for the weak and to put on our big boy/girl pants and deal with our problems alone. And boy, do we ever try. We come up with all kinds of ways to ignore trauma and other painful experiences of the past. We work hard to earn money, diet and exercise to look and feel better, physically, or try to outrun our fears by staying busy in other ways. Many a workaholic is driven by fear of the past and fear of the future, for example.

Or we try more self-destructive forms of escape. We overeat, drink ourselves into oblivion, and/or become addicted to drugs, sex, relationships, or gambling. While working out, eating right and earning money might be better for your physical health and state of mind than eating or drinking yourself to death, they do nothing to ensure we feel happier about ourselves on a spiritual level.

Surrendering to a Higher Power is not about throwing in the towel and giving up on our self. We don’t surrender our best qualities when we surrender – we are simply surrendering the negative emotions, trauma and pain that have been holding us back from true happiness for years. It’s really more of a merger than surrender. We are actually joining forces with a Higher Power’s energy. We’re surrendering our issues to a Higher Power in the belief that a power greater than our own can, and will, remove the issues and problems that we cannot remove using our own power.

A Higher Power not only can and will do this for us, but does remove them every day for someone, somewhere.

Surrender is a mutual, joint effort, where people and universal love work together, one surrendering to the other on a constant basis. When a baby draws its first breath of air, for example, the universe is surrendering to the baby. When our bodies die, we surrender our final breath to the universe and the cycle is complete. For the entire time we are alive, here on earth, we exist in a constant state of give and take with a power greater than our own. Those that choose to take a deep breath and make a leap of faith with a Higher Power no longer view life as a battlefield. Instead, they join with and embrace life in a way that most people will never know.

Once again, we don’t give up the best parts of ourselves when we surrender to a Higher Power. We join forces with it. Our Higher Power is our best friend. In successful long-term relationships, couples don’t surrender to one another's demands (ego-driven wants and needs). If you've ever been in that type of relationship, you know it's a recipe for failure. Instead, they surrender to a Higher Love, both collectively and as individuals. They surrender to a Higher Love as one and learn to accept, compromise and love each other on a higher level.

Although one person might temporarily surrender to their partner’s will, rather than a Higher Power’s will, neither party will know happiness for very long. When we surrender to a power greater than our own, the negative emotions within us are not only removed, but are replaced with acceptance, tolerance, patience and other traits that allow us to love others in the truest sense of the word.

We can choose to hold onto painful memories of the past and remain sad, angry, guilty and unhappy or we can choose to surrender them to a Higher Power and live a free and contented life. Franklin Delano Roosevelt once stated that “there is nothing to fear but fear itself” and he was correct. When we hand our childhood issues and other trauma over to a Higher Power, it is actually our deepest fears that we are surrendering. Ask anyone that has experienced a sudden, intense spiritual healing and they will tell you that their fear was the first to go. Imagine a bridge with a town called Fear on one side and Happiness on the other. Surrender is the name of the bridge that allows us to cross from one side to the other.

Getting The Monkey Off Your Back

Most people have heard the term “monkey on my back” used as a way to describe addiction. Personally, I find the word “addiction” too soft a word to describe the monster every addict or alcoholic battles in daily life. It’s too clinical, too sterile, and just doesn’t pack the same punch as the monkey analogy.

As a hardcore alcoholic for more than half my life, I learned a few things about the monkey. First, he never knows when to keep his mouth shut. It’s not that he’s loud. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. The monkey prefers to whisper, at least during the early stages of addiction. Day in, day out, he whispers in the addict’s ear, reminding the addict that it’s time to party. He whispers because he doesn’t want others to hear him. “They don’t understand you the way I do”, he whispers. “I’m your only true friend. It’s you and me, brother. Besides, it’s nobody’s business but our own.”
The monkey is also persistent. He never, ever leaves the addict’s side. He’s always there to remind the addict that one drink or one puff never hurt anyone. Sure, he makes himself a little scarce when trouble arrives, but he’s always watching from behind the scenes while the addict works things out. The monkey never leaves for long because he can’t survive without the addict, although he never confesses the truth. Instead, he turns the tables, convincing his victim that he or she cannot live without him. The monkey is a cunning little devil.


For many years, I believed every word the monkey ever spoke. We’d been through good and bad times together, shared countless late night conversations, and he’d always understood me when no one else did. Or, so I thought. It wasn’t until I tried to part ways with the monkey that things started to get ugly. He didn’t like the idea. I tried to explain that my life was falling apart and something had to change. He just smiled and assured me everything would be okay, as long as we had each other. I protested, reminding him that things were far from okay. Exhaustion and alcohol were killing me, just as they had done to my sister, a favorite uncle, and two best friends. I let the monkey know he was getting pretty tiresome, too, and confided my plans to end our friendship.

But the monkey is also relentless. When I told the monkey about my plans to quit drinking, he fell silent. Well, at least until I stopped drinking for a few days. Then he wrapped both legs around my back, tightened his grip around my neck, and started screaming in my ear. He had no intention of leaving. He’d grown larger and more powerful over the years and there was no shaking him off, no matter how hard I tried. The more I fought, the tighter he held on. I was beginning to hate the monkey. Worse, he scared me to death. I spent the next three months trying to shake him off before entering rehab. The monkey decided to go with me and the battle of my life would soon begin.
The monkey is just a mental image, of course. The term is simply used to paint a picture of addiction, as seen through the addict’s eyes. But the energy that drives every addict to abuse alcohol or drugs, even after they want to quit, is both very real and extremely powerful.

If you or someone you know is struggling with "the monkey", there is a way out. To learn more, visit www.breakingfreeaddictionrecovery.com. 

3 Steps To Spiritual Healing Reviews

All happiness results from a flow of love to, and from, you. Emotional wounds block the flow of love. Spiritual Healing restores the flow.

Is something missing in your life, but you can’t quite put your finger on it? Do you feel lost, anxious or depressed?

You aren’t alone. Aware of it or not, we’ve all suffered from a condition known as spiritual dis-ease at one time or another. The hyphen is not a typo. Dis-ease (unease) far better describes common disorders such as anxiety, depression, addiction, PTSD and many others than does the word disease, which suggests these disorders are purely of a physical nature. They are not.

We have all suffered emotional wounds caused by trauma, be it some type of abuse, growing up in a dysfunctional family, a broken romance, or the death of a loved one. These emotional wounds have caused many people to shut down on some levels. Too many of us have built a wall of protection around ourselves to keep the bad guys out, but have inadvertently become prisoners of those same walls.

Spiritual dis-ease is the result, which manifests as addiction, anxiety, depression, loneliness, and a very long list of other emotional disorders.

As human beings, we consist of three basic parts – the mind, body and spirit/soul. In order to live happily, all three parts must be in harmony. If one of the three becomes weakened, the other two will suffer. Many people are often only vaguely aware that spirit exists, if at all. As a practicing alcoholic for more than twenty years, I was completely in the dark. That’s because alcohol and drugs deaden one’s perceptions and block the ability to feel normal emotions like joy, peace and a connection with others.

But you don’t have to be an alcoholic to suffer from spiritual dis-ease. As mentioned above, many types of trauma cause the same separation of spirit. We try all sorts of ways to ignore the problem. We become workaholics, alcoholics, sleepaholics, food, drug, television or shopping junkies. We buy more things we think will make us happy. We go to the doctor and are prescribed pills to numb the symptoms of spiritual dis-ease. We’ll try anything to escape. The truth is that we can’t out run, out work, out drink, out sleep or out think spiritual dis-ease.

As the famous poet, Robert Frost, once said, the only way around it is through it. This is true of any problem we wish to resolve. But the good news is that spiritual healing is nowhere near as scary or difficult as it sounds. In fact, it could be the most wonderful experience of your life!

3 Steps To Spiritual Healing will teach you how to heal from within using the simplest possible method. Dan Farish brings humor, experience, and a down-to-earth approach when teaching the class. His style is friendly, warm, and relaxed.

How can this class improve your life? The short answer is “immeasurably”.

The 3 Steps To Spiritual Healing class will teach you how to heal the source of spiritual dis-ease. People who have experienced their own spiritual healing often remark that they feel free, peaceful and truly happy for the first time in years. 

Benefits of spiritual healing include -

• A new, profound sense of calm and peace within
• Absence of fear. Fear is one of the first things to go with spiritual healing
• No more loneliness. You are not lonely even when you are alone
• Lack of desire to judge others
• A sense of connection with others
• Words like faith, tolerance, and acceptance begin to take on new meaning
• Painful memories of the past become distant memories and have no effect on your present happiness
• A desire to give to others. You feel blessed and wish to share the blessing you’ve received with others
• You become grateful for the things you have, rather than obsessing about the things you don’t

The single biggest benefit many people report is an overall sense that “all is well with the world”, which is the exact opposite of the fear-based view of life as a struggle that must be “dealt with” on a daily basis. Years of fear and dis-ease become permanently replaced with a quiet faith, a new inner-strength and calm.

Dan has been fortunate to work with people around the world and here are a few reviews of the 3 Steps To Spiritual Healing class -

"If you haven't got into 3 Steps to Spiritual Healing with Dan Farish yet, then I highly recommend you do! Spiritual healing is way better than any alcohol, drugs, prescribed and otherwise, that I have EVER had. I have gained such clarity from our discussions, new insights, different understandings and by gosh the Light shines bright when we are open to receiving it!"

F.F.C.

Western Australia

Last December I read Dan Farish's book, 3 Steps to Recovery. As an addict all my life, I've been interested in the area of addiction and the psychology of addiction and I thought, at the very least, it would be a good read as a biography of a man who had become my friend. I was not prepared for the impact it would have on my life. The honesty with which the book is written called me to be more honest with myself around my own addictions, which I'd always kidded myself were 'manageable' and 'normal'. There is nothing 'normal' about waiting for Friday so that another wine weekend can start..... Nothing 'normal' about taking painkillers when there is no pain...... And honestly? Nothing 'normal' about thinking it's acceptable to smoke 20 cigarettes a day when I've got three young children to raise to adulthood. So I began to work with the 3 Steps, as outlined in the book, and I noticed a shift occurring within me. Still, the addict voice within me was very strong and the honesty was making me uncomfortable within my own skin.

So, after a particularly dangerous and despairing weekend of drinking, I asked Dan about the 3 Steps To Spiritual Healing online class. And there and then my life began to change for the better. Dan decided we should address the binge drinking first, as it posed the greatest risk to my health and life. The 3 Steps started to work immediately and I gained control of my life immediately. One by one, I've got through the addictions that were causing so much pain in my life. Admission that these addictions were in control of my life, rather than the other way round, was the key for me, and Dan helped explain that so well. He also explained that there is an easier way. Hand over control to your Higher Power and let miracles occur in your life.

I would recommend his book and Dan's online classes to everybody who is ready to face and overcome the addictions, anxiety, or other disorders in their lives that are holding them back from being the person they truly came here to be. It is never too late. Your Higher Power has infinite patience and will wait for you indefinitely. But I'm glad I didn't wait another moment to embrace mine. Blessings to all on your paths.

A.C.

Ireland


”When I practiced the 3 steps I totally meant it! I was instantly delivered out of my lifelong co-dependency problem. That is, for the first time I was comfortable with myself and knew I would not give in to abuse and control ever again! The terrible pain and anguish I’d lived through for so many years became manageable and I felt I could work things through by myself. And what a pace of light speed my personal development has taken these past four months! I am overwhelmed with love!”

L.B.

Faroe Islands

3 Steps To Spiritual Healing interactive, live online sessions are conducted one-on-one from the comfort and privacy of your own home, using Skype or telephone. The cost is just $89 for two sessions, each session lasting 90 minutes to 2 hours. But no one is turned away due to a lack of money and a sliding scale is available to fit any budget. There is no more affordable, simple and convenient approach to overcoming addiction, depression, or other disorder than 3 Steps To Spiritual Healing.

Sessions are done one-on-one from the comfort and privacy of your own home, using Skype or telephone. The cost is just $90 for two sessions, each session lasting approximately 2 hours. Dan's teaching style is down-to-earth, often humorous, and he keeps things simple and fun. There is no more affordable, simple and convenient approach to overcoming addiction, depression, or hundreds of other disorders than 3 Steps To Spiritual Healing.

Are you ready for a new start? Learn the reason you were born, put the past where it belongs – in the past - and live a purposeful, fulfilling life. Swap your old life for one with a brand new view. Discover the happy, content, joyful life you are meant to live!

Email cookinlover1@gmail.com or phone/text message Dan Farish at 770 329 1950 for details.

Thought Of The Day

I wonder how many lives and billions of dollars could be saved every year if treatment professionals adopted a spiritual approach to addiction recovery vs. throwing prescription drugs at the problem. Handing out prescriptions for addiction-related issues seems an awful lot like putting out a fire with a bucket of gasoline.

Push-Ups In The Parking Lot

 

Alcoholics Anonymous members have invented many wise, witty, and well-intentioned expressions over the years.

A few of my personal favorites include fake it ‘til you make it, stinking thinking, and take what you need and leave the rest. These are especially helpful for the newcomer to recovery. While guilty of the first two in my early recovery days, the third was especially helpful and was, by far, the easiest to apply.

On the other hand, there were some that sounded like fingernails on the blackboard at the time and will make me cringe at the mere thought of them. The first one that makes me want to track down the originator with a paint ball gun is the guy that came up with this one – Your addiction is doing push-ups in the parking lot. 

Translation? While every AA member remains safe within the walls of a meeting, his or her addiction is not only hiding in the shadows, but is becoming hungrier by the day. This so-called helpful advice is another way of saying, “Be careful, little Red Riding Hood, the wolf is just outside the door waiting to devour you. You better lock the door and stay inside with us, where it’s safe, unless you want to become Satan’s next breakfast burrito." 

I have just one comment for those that spout this slogan – STOP IT!

Why does this well-intended, yet misguided bit of recovery advice make me want to toss my cookies? Simple. It’s because that type of message is designed to instill fear into the hearts of people, which is the exact opposite of faith. 

You know, the same faith that is required to bring about the spiritual healing that removes the desire to drink. 
The same spiritual healing that Bill Wilson and the other AA founders wanted to share with struggling alcoholics. 
The same spiritual healing that inspired the 12 Steps to be written. 
The same 12 Steps that both inspire and require faith in the lives of those that choose to apply them. The same faith that leads to a spiritual awakening and assures those of us that have experienced one that we need never fear our addiction again.

For those that have learned to replace fear with faith and were cured of all desire to drink or use, as a result, there IS no disease doing push-ups in the parking lot. But if there were one, it would be walking around in circles looking for its head after a Higher Power ripped him a new one. That’s what a sudden, intense spiritual awakening does to addiction.

Please allow me to don my Captain Obvious outfit for a moment.

If you’re living in fear of addiction, especially if you’ve been attending meetings for longer than three months, you’ve got AA’s original program bass ackwards. The original message was, and is, that a spiritual awakening will cure you of addiction. Those that have experienced their own (and there are many) will tell you the same.

Are You Addicted? A Simple Question To Ask Yourself.

 

In my last blog post, I wrote about some of the warning signs that indicate you might be addicted to alcohol or drugs. If you think you might have an addiction problem, then today’s post is written you in mind.

The first step in solving any problem is realizing there is one. It sounds simple enough, right? You identify a problem and then fix it. But, when dealing with addiction, it’s also the hardest thing to accept. No one wants to admit they have become a slave to drugs or alcohol. None of us like to think that our life has spun out of control, even as we watch it fall to pieces around us. We all want to think we can somehow learn to control our drinking or using, like normal people. The truth is, no addict ever used alcohol or drugs as a recreational hobby. From the first time we experienced that first rush, we were hooked, even though many of us didn’t realize it at the time. If you’re one of those people that thought they’d died and gone to heaven the first time you got drunk or high, then you’re one of us. That first buzz feels like nothing else and it’s a feeling we try to recapture again and again over the years. Forget about that magic ever coming back, though. Once it’s gone, it’s gone for good, no matter how much we try to get it back.

How will you know when booze or drugs have become too big a problem for you to handle on your own? Here’s the simple answer to the title of this post – when the pain of drinking or using has become greater than the pleasure you get from them, but you still do them anyhow, you are addicted. There are no ands, ifs, or buts about it. Sure, we can tell ourselves that our current troubles are just a run of bad luck or a fluke, but if those problems are directly (or indirectly) related to substance abuse, we’re only kidding ourselves. 

Anyhow, that’s the thought for today. Don’t over analyze it, justify it, or bury your head in the sand. Just look in the mirror and ask yourself if alcohol or drugs are causing more pain than pleasure in your life. Be honest with yourself, make no excuses, and check back tomorrow if it’s the truth about your current situation.

Am I Addicted To Alcohol Or Drugs?

 

To those of you that have already found a way to quit drinking or using, I have just one thing to say – congratulations! I’ll spend more time writing about you on another day. But today’s blog post is only for people currently struggling alone, quietly, in need of help. So move along, already recovering addicts, there’s nothing to see here.

There, I said it. Now that we have that settled, let’s talk about you, my actively drinking and/or using friend. Before we begin, it’s important to know that you are not alone. Although two decades have passed, I still remember how it felt to live in the grip of addiction like it was yesterday. Addicts and alcoholics exist in a strange kind of Netherworld – it’s like living in a bubble of loneliness you can’t punch your way through, no matter how hard you try. Even worse, no one around you understands what life inside the bubble feels like, or that the bubble even exists, unless they have a substance abuse problem of their own. Even addicts that know the bubble well don’t dare to talk about it with one another. The whole point of drinking or getting high is to escape unpleasant thoughts, after all. If you want to find yourself sitting alone at the bar, turn to your best drinking buddies sitting on either side of you and tell them you think you might have a problem. In about two seconds, they’ll suddenly spot a friend across the bar they’ve been meaning to catch up with, grab their drink and run for their lives. That’s just how drunks and druggies roll. 

Every addict knows about the bubble. It's a great place to hide out from the rest of the world. Well, until you're tired of living in one and try to find a way out of it, at least. 

 

If you want to know whether or not you might have an addiction problem, you’ve come to the right place. I was quite the accomplished addict in my day and got my masters degree in hitting bottom the old-fashioned way – I earned it. But, before I share my prestigious credentials with you, here’s a little hint – if you think you might have a problem, you probably do. Admitting it to ourselves is the first step, but we’ll get to that on another day. You have to be aware there’s a problem before you can fix one.

So, what are some signs we might be addicted to booze or drugs?

·   Family’s a good place to start – while most friends will tell you anything you want to hear in order to avoid hurting your feelings, most family members are more than happy to tell you the truth, even when it hurts. Some family members even take pleasure from it. Do those closest to you tell you that you’ve changed and ask what’s wrong with you? Do you resent them for it and start avoiding family gatherings because you think it’s them that has the problem, not you? Or do you find that the only time you feel comfortable even being around them is when you’re drunk or high?

·   Ever run into an old, non-partying friend on the street that you hung out with when you were younger? Have any of them ever stared at you oddly, as if they don’t really recognize the former friend they used to know? Did you gradually lose touch with them over time because they stopped getting high and you didn’t?

·   Does a silent alarm clock ring in your head around the same time every day, alerting you that it’s beer o’clock? Do you spend most of your day at work or school thinking about getting wasted later?

·   And how about that bubble I mentioned earlier? Do you feel like a stranger living in your own skin? Is there a silent scream whispering in your ear telling you that you’re trapped in a bubble and you need to find a way out? I spent many years trying to drown that voice with another drink or joint, but never could shut it up for long. The voice has an annoying habit of screaming at the worst of times. Mine used to jerk me out of a sound sleep and scream in my ear at around 3 or 4 a.m. The message was always the same – you better change your life, unless you want to die!

·   Have you tried following the voice’s advice and decided to quit drinking or using on your own, but fallen back into the same old routine time after time, no matter how hard you try?

·   When was the last time you felt truly happy and content? When was the last time you felt anything at all, apart from silent desperation and an empty, hollow numbness? 

If these symptoms sound familiar, you might just have an addiction problem. In fact, I’ll go out on a limb here and guarantee you that you are, indeed, an addict or alcoholic.

That’s the bad news. The good news is there’s a way out of the bubble and you’ve come to the right place to find it. Take a little time to review the signs of addiction, mull them over, and ask if they apply to you. If the answer is yes, come on back tomorrow and we’ll talk some more.